The Christian Family

[00:00:02] Speaker A: When you came in today, if you look to the west of our property, you saw some work being done. It's. We broke ground for our columbarium. So in a very short time, you'll see the columbarium over there. It is a place where you can have your cremains interred. So if that would interest you, you can talk to Mike Misiak or Marianne Wright and they'll share the information with you. And. Great time to live in Cleveland. Can somebody say Amen? Our dear Heavenly Father. We call you Father. You taught us to call you Father. You call us your children. We are the family of God. And not only are we the family of God, you, in your divine wisdom, created families so that we could live in relationship with others in the kind of way that we live a better quality of life. And so I pray this morning that you would teach us how life in Christ Jesus leads to a better family life. And I ask it through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. We're studying through the Book of Colossians. The whole book is built on a poem of Christ. Everything in the book either explains the poem or it shows you the application. And let's remind ourselves of the poem again. Christ is the image of the invisible God, the prototype of all creation. For by him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities. All things were created through him and. And for him he is before all things. In him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning. He's the prototype of life after death, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of the cross. Everything else in the book is an explanation of this or an application of it. And this week we get to chapter three in Colossians, and there is an application of the poem of Christ for your family. How does life in Christ? How does it affect you as a family member? Men? How does it affect you as a. As a husband and a father? Ladies, how does it affect you as a wife and mother? How does it affect children, teenagers? So Paul says, this idea about Christ, if we let it have its influence on us, profoundly affects our family. I want to remind you that family is God's idea. Culture didn't produce family. Family produced culture. The very first institution God created wasn't the church. It wasn't civil government. It Was the family. In fact, in God's good plan, the family is the foundation for all culture. Healthy families, healthy culture, unhealthy families, unhealthy culture. I want to remind you that in Genesis we have this. This beautiful image, this graphic image. And Moses wrote, so the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall on man. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed it up, its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall hold fast to his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed. This is the. This is. This is. This is a beautiful picture of God's good idea about healthy relationships. In these healthy relationships, we see ourselves as part of someone else. I'm no longer a loner. I stopped being that. Now I am part of someone else. And someone else is part of me. In the very same way that Adam said, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. You need to look at your partner and say, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. The way I treat my partner, the way I treat myself. Ah. [00:07:16] Speaker B: Ah. [00:07:18] Speaker A: This isn't just someone else that's passing through my life. We have become one. This is God's good idea. Now, I'd like to say over the years, I've heard marriage criticized a whole lot. I've heard criticism after criticism after criticism. [00:07:38] Speaker C: Marriage. [00:07:40] Speaker A: In all this criticism, nobody has ever offered me a better idea. Nobody's ever shown me this is a better way. This is. This. This. This makes a better life. This makes a more beautiful life. This makes a stronger life. This makes a more enriched life. Mankind has never come up with something better than what God already gave us. The problem is not with marriage and the family. The problem is we don't do it right. It's not with the system. It's with how we act in the system. Life in Christ is supposed to begin at home. Parents, I'm sure you feel your obligation to feed your kids. I'm sure you feel your obligation to clothe them. I feel you feel your obligation to help them get a good education. But I want you to feel an equal obligation to think about your kids. Eternal souls. [00:08:56] Speaker B: Ah. [00:08:58] Speaker A: Jesus taught that our body is more than food, our life is more than food. And our body is more than clothes. I want every parent to think, what am I doing to nurture the spiritual life of my children? I'm going to get a little pushy on this. What's non negotiable in your family? What's non negotiable? Your kids get up, they're in a grouchy mood. They say, I don't want to go to school today. You just say, okay, play video games all day. I don't think that's what you do. You say, come on, you're not sick. You'll feel better. Get dressed. We're going to school. Right? And that's a healthy thing to do. And you're teaching your children something beautiful about life, discipline, about being a reliable person, doing the right thing. On the other hand, your teenagers wake up on Sunday morning and they go, I don't want to go to church. Why do I have to go? And you go, okay, we'll stay home. What are you teaching them? [00:10:34] Speaker C: Church. [00:10:36] Speaker A: What is the spiritual lesson there? You're right. If you're a little grouchy and you don't want to go to church, it's not really that important anyway. So we'll just not go church. All right, I'm going to take one more step. I have parents tell me all the time, yeah, it's time for this travel league or that travel league. And because we play on Sundays, we can't come to church. Okay, what are you teaching your kids? Do you really think Little league baseball is more important than their eternal soul? And if enough parents said, we're not doing this, the leagues would have to comply. But because so many parents fold instantly, then the league say, it's just normal. Can you hear me, Church? I played sports when I was a kid. I absolutely loved it. But look, we're teaching our children something about values. And most of our kids are not going to grow up to be Jose Ramirez. Most of our children are not going to grow up to make their living in sports, but all our kids are going to grow up with moral or lack of moral values. All our kids are going to grow up in the fear and the admonition of the Lord or they're going to grow up in bombarded by the insanity of the culture around them. Who's forming your children's soul? That's supposed to start at home? [00:12:36] Speaker C: Church. [00:12:40] Speaker B: Ah. [00:12:41] Speaker A: And if my children are going to see the wonder of Christ in the home, it has to begin with the relationship that I have with my wife. [00:12:53] Speaker B: Ah. The. [00:12:54] Speaker A: My kids can't See me act one way when everybody's looking and another way when nobody's looking. My kids can't see me being ugly to my wife Monday through Friday and put on my Christian face Saturday and Sunday. It's not healthy for them. Church, your kids need to see you loving your husband and wife daily. You're teaching them something, you're modeling something for them. In fact, Romans chapter 12 says, Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. You want to have the greatest relationship in the world? Start competing on who honors the other one most. Stop keeping track that you're ahead. I did this, I did that. I said this, you didn't do that. That's a losing game. [00:14:07] Speaker C: Church. [00:14:08] Speaker A: Here's the winning game. I'm going to outscore my wife on showing honor every single day of my life. She's going to have to hustle to keep up with me. And she's at home going, that guy doesn't know what he got himself into. I am going to out honor him every day of my life. Church, can you imagine what your home would look like if that was the disposition you had? If you're keeping track, you're keeping track of how far ahead you are, not how far behind you are. Can you hear me, Church? You see, in great relationships there are good expectations. We have the expectation for good. I expect to have a good relationship with my wife next week. I expect to have a good relationship with my kids. I expect to have a good relationship with my grandkids. I expect to have a good relationship with a ridiculous little two year old running around here. [00:15:17] Speaker D: All right. [00:15:20] Speaker A: I bring expectations into the relationship. What are your expectations? Are your expectations that the grace of God is resting upon you, that the love of God abides in you? That you meant it when you walked down the aisle and made promises to each other and you're going to do everything you can to have the expectations of love, joy and peace in your home? [00:15:55] Speaker C: Church. [00:15:59] Speaker A: In fact, Paul, in this letter, he shares five Christian qualities that we should have in our families because of life in Christ Jesus. He starts with ladies, life in Christ for a wife means she lives in a healthy relationship with her husband. [00:16:26] Speaker D: All right. [00:16:29] Speaker A: So Paul says one of the most misunderstood verses in the Bible. I have to do a disclaimer before I even read it. Wives, submit yourself to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. All right, now, because this verse has been abused, it I have, I can't start it even. I have to start down in the hole and climb out with a Ladder. [00:16:57] Speaker D: All right, all right. [00:17:01] Speaker A: Now let's think the way Paul thought. Stop thinking from how you've heard this and all your past experience, and let's try to think the way Paul thought. Paul's teaching what life in Christ Jesus looks like. That's what the book is about. And Paul says life in Christ Jesus for a Christian woman will look different than life of a non Christian woman. And one of the ways it will look different is the Christian woman will have a different sense of her relationship to her husband because in her relationship to her husband, there's also Christ involved. You see, God has expectations for my wife because I'm his son. I hope, ladies, that you can put yourself in a parent's place. And when your children marry somebody, you have expectations that the person who marries your child is going to treat them in a certain way. [00:18:29] Speaker C: Church. [00:18:31] Speaker B: Ah, ah, ah. [00:18:34] Speaker A: And I hope that if they aren't treated that way, you have an incredibly sympathetic heart for them. [00:18:42] Speaker D: All right? [00:18:46] Speaker A: In my family, if somebody's not treated right, somebody has a conversation, conversations are had. [00:18:54] Speaker D: All right? [00:18:55] Speaker A: Now that's God. God said, ladies, I want you to treat your husband like he's my son and I want you to live in a healthy relationship to him. This word submit is sometimes used in a military way. And it means that when. When troops march, you march in relationship to who's on your right, who's on your left, who's in front of you and who's behind you. Now, I've never marched, but I've watched it on tv. Stripes, right? Okay. [00:19:39] Speaker B: Ah. [00:19:40] Speaker A: And this word means. This word means you're paying attention when you're marching in formation to what's happening around you. You can't march to your own beat when you're marching with the group. You have to submit yourself to the. The bigger, the bigger maneuver. And that's what Paul is saying here. He's. He didn't say, women, subject yourself, grovel before the cane. That's not what he said. He said, live with a conscious awareness of your relationship. Be sensitive to your relationship to your husband. And then he puts a qualifier on it, as is fitting in the Lord. First of all, wives, submit to God and then figure out how to live in a healthy relationship with her husband. Now that's not so bad, is it? Is it really a bad thing to try to figure out, how can I live in a more healthy relationship with my husband? [00:20:50] Speaker D: All right. [00:20:58] Speaker A: Wives, think about what expectations do you bring to your relationship with your husband? What expectations do you have? [00:21:15] Speaker D: All right, all right. [00:21:19] Speaker A: I want to ask you two questions. In these expectations, does your husband know them? Have you ever said to them, this gets a lot of families in trouble? They. We have expectations. We never tell our expectations. We just expect. Well, you ought to know them. If you loved me, you would automatically know. Well, I. Maybe if you're a mind reader. All right, all right, ladies, I want to give you a big hint. The average man doesn't know how to figure out your expectations. Brothers here. Big hint number one. Just tell me. Just tell me. [00:22:17] Speaker B: Ah, ah, ah. [00:22:21] Speaker A: Don't buy me clothes. You have bad taste. I can live with that. I can live with that. You know, I would rather have that than 20 outfits hanging in the closet that never get worn because I have bad taste. All right, ladies, consider your expectations. Number one, does your partner know your expectations? [00:22:47] Speaker D: All right. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Second of all, where do these expectations come from? How. Where was that expectation created? Sadly, we have. We have whole lists of expectations, and we don't even know where they came from. Some of them came from the family we grew up in. Some of them came from other people we know. We. We bring this dump truckload of expectations. We don't know where we got them to begin with, but then we get disappointed when the expectations aren't fulfilled. Church life in Christ. Jesus says, we can do this differently. We can do this very differently. [00:23:34] Speaker B: Ah. [00:23:37] Speaker A: Instead of all of us inventing long list of expectations, we can simply start asking, how does God want me to treat this person? How does God want me to treat this person? All right, ladies, you're also allowed to say, how does God want me to be treated? It is a beautiful and a fair thing for a lady to say to herself, how does God want me to be treated? It is appropriate to insist because you are a daughter of Jesus Christ, that you be treated with a certain level of love, dignity, appreciation. You see? So this is what Paul is saying. Christian relationships can be different. Ladies, think about living in a healthy relationship arrangement with your. Your. Your partner. All right, ladies, think about your expectations. Where did those expectations come from? Are they realistic? How influenced are your expectations by your personal relationship to Christ? All right, brothers. Paul goes on to say, men, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Life in Christ for a husband means he lives in a different relationship with his wife because he's a Christian. [00:25:17] Speaker D: All right. [00:25:22] Speaker A: When I think about. When. When I. When I think about the love, the word love, I want to expand my meaning. Love is more than that tingly feeling you got the first time you kissed your partner. It was A beautiful thing. I remember it fondly. [00:25:47] Speaker D: All right? [00:25:48] Speaker A: But love is much more than that. Okay, brothers, look at me. I'm going to make it easy for all of us. I want to think about love in three ways. Number one, love is a way of thinking. How do you permit yourself to think about your wife? Brothers, if you permit yourself to think about your wife in an ugly way, then stop telling yourself that. That. That you love your spouse. It's not true. Love is a way of thinking. Love is a way that. Love is a way of thinking. It says, this person means everything to me, and I'm going to find ways to keep seeing the best in them and thinking about what is best. And I'm going to find ways to forgive the rest. Church brothers, love is a way of thinking. Second of all, our feelings follow our thoughts. You want to feel loving feelings? Think loving thoughts. You want to feel grouchy feelings? Think grouchy thoughts. Your feelings will follow your thoughts. Your feelings will follow your behavior. Do you want to feel more loving? Then do something loving. Do you. Do you want to have a greater sense of affection for your spouse? Hold their hand. Do something loving. Your feelings will follow your thoughts and your behaviors. I've had people say, I just don't feel in love anymore. And I say, because you stopped doing loving things, start doing some loving things and see what happens. [00:27:35] Speaker D: All right? [00:27:37] Speaker A: So, brothers, I want you to think, because I love my wife, I'm going to every day say to myself, what is best? What's best for my wife. What's best for my wife? What's best for my wife. I want that to pass through your head every single day. It is. It will make your marriage 100% better. Just simply say to yourself, what is best for my wife? And what can I do to make that happen today? Can you hear me? Boy, oh, boy. I've heard louder. I've heard louder. I've been to louder golf matches than this. [00:28:23] Speaker D: All right? [00:28:25] Speaker A: And then Paul said, don't be harsh. Ah, it's so easy to be harsh. Brothers. Am I right? Isn't it easy to be harsh? No, thank you. Okay, this means yes. This means no. This means I don't even care when you're going to quit. [00:28:43] Speaker D: All right? [00:28:45] Speaker B: Ah. [00:28:49] Speaker A: Men, we have to check our expectations. What are your expectations for your wife? Where did those expectations come from? How influenced are they by God and how influenced are they by culture? Culture creates ridiculous expectations for women, and then we drag them into our Christian home. And because. And because these expectations were never realistic to begin with we damage our relationship. Brothers, what is your expectation for your spouse and where did it come from? And are you open to your life in Christ Jesus, affecting your expectations? All right, three, life in Christ for children means they obey their parents. Verse 20. Children, obey your parents in all, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. I want to begin with the word obey. The word obey is built on the verb here. The verb. The verb here gets a prefix and it turns from I I hear to I hear and do what I hear. All right, so. Because not a lot of kids in here, but all right, parents, I'll help you out. It turns out that obedience begins by what our kids hear. And because it begins by what our kids hear, it is our responsibility to make sure what we're saying is what we want to say. And we're saying it in a way that is compelling to our kids. [00:31:07] Speaker C: Church. [00:31:09] Speaker A: What do your kids hear from you and how do they hear? Turns out that it turns out that we can actually inspire our kids or it turns out we can discourage our kids. And most of it comes from what do they hear. [00:31:35] Speaker D: All right. [00:31:39] Speaker A: Your child comes home with a report card you're not happy with. [00:31:44] Speaker D: All right? [00:31:46] Speaker A: You have to talk to them. [00:31:48] Speaker D: All right? [00:31:49] Speaker A: The way you talk to them is as important as what you say. Oh, brother. Another bad report card. I can't believe it. I'm going to ground you for the next 32 years. Okay, that doesn't inspire anyone. You wouldn't want to be talked to that way at work. [00:32:13] Speaker C: Church. [00:32:15] Speaker A: It would make it hard for you to hear if someone spoke to you that way. Parents, I want to give you a big gift. Your kids should hear more praise than criticism. Your kids should hear more praise than criticism. When our kids hear more praise, that starts affecting their self image. They are hearing you're a good person. Uh, I value how hard you tried. [00:32:50] Speaker B: Ah. Ah. [00:32:52] Speaker A: We didn't get this right, but we'll. We're. We're going to do. We're going to do things differently the next semester. I'm going to find a way. If you need help, I'm going to find a way to get you help. You see, I can raise their sense of who they are, or I can lower their sense of who they are. Oh, brother. You're gonna be just like your uncle. You're never gonna amount to anything. [00:33:19] Speaker B: Ah. Ah. [00:33:20] Speaker A: I knew you wouldn't get a good report card. I knew you wouldn't do. You weren't doing your homework. Okay? Are you hearing me? [00:33:28] Speaker C: Church? [00:33:28] Speaker A: Maybe I'm exaggerating. Too much. But the point is still the same. The point is the same. If we want our children to obey, it matters what they hear from us and how they hear it. You want your kids to obey. Inspire them. You want your kids to give up? Just keep telling them your criticism. It's what Paul says here. Paul says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is well pleasing to him. [00:34:09] Speaker B: But. [00:34:10] Speaker A: But then it says, parents, don't. Don't discourage your children and make them lose passion. You hear, children, obey your parents a lot. You don't hear very much. Parents, Ah. Stop grinding your kids down. Stop creating an environment that's unpleasant. Stop putting a burden on them. Stop wearing them down. Do what you can to lift them. This word that it says, fathers, don't discourage your children. This word is only used twice in the New Testament. And one of them is here. [00:35:13] Speaker B: Ah. Ah. [00:35:16] Speaker D: All right. [00:35:19] Speaker A: Let me throw this out there. Good parenting very begins when a parent takes responsibility to understand what kind of kid they have. Do you get this? Don't tell me. I treat all my kids the same. It's a disastrous. It's a disastrous approach. All your kids aren't the same. Some kids respond to one thing. Other kids respond to another thing. Some kids. Some kids are ambitious for one thing. Other kids aren't ambitious for another thing. I have an awesome son. I did everything I could to get him interested in sports, and he just wasn't interested. And so I let it go. I didn't force him to do sports because I. It was a big deal with me. You see, I learned the kind of boy he was and the direction of manhood he was moving in. And then I tried to support him in that. He didn't care about a ball glove, but he loved a guitar, so I got him a guitar. Okay? Parenting doesn't begin with our kids. It begins with us. And we look at these kids and we keep praying to God, what kind of person is this? Where is their potential? What is the direction of their life? And then we do everything we can to nurture that instead of squeezing and prying and wrenching them into the shape we want them to be. Do you get this? We parent based on who the kid is, not based on our expectations. [00:37:12] Speaker C: Church. [00:37:14] Speaker D: All right? [00:37:16] Speaker A: This is a Christian family. In a Christian family. Because we are having a healthy home, kids have a passion for life and a passion for the families. When we're not doing a healthy home, kids lose their passion for life and they lose their passion for the family. I know, I know. Hundreds of families who never see each other. They have lost the passion of family. They're just not interested in seeing each other. They lost the passion for family. We don't want that. Amen. All right, Now I get to this other, and now my time's gone. [00:37:58] Speaker D: All right. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Editing. Ah, verse 23. Whatever you do, work from your soul as to the Lord and not to men. All right, this is our takeaway. Family life is soul work. Family life is soul work. And whatever you do in your family, do it from your soul as unto the Lord. You treat your family the way you do because you love and respect God. You treat your family the way you do because God has been at work in your soul. And something that is healthy in your soul, you are sharing with your family. Your family gets more and more healthy because they experience more and more of a good, healthy, beautiful soul in you. Our dear Heavenly Father, I ask in the name of Jesus Christ that you would guide our thoughts about family. I pray that we'd have a new seriousness about family. I pray that we would think differently about our family. And because we think differently about you, I pray that the life of Christ in us would flow into our family. I pray that husbands and wives would love each other. I pray that parents and children would love each other. I pray that our homes would be inspiring places where people are encouraged and built up. People are challenged to move in the direction of their giftedness. Then I pray that Christ will be glorified. Amen.